Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
- T.S. Eliot
As the year comes to an end and a new one begins, reflections come to mind.
2011: Home & Reset
In moving back to Oklahoma, I came home both literally and figuratively. I feel like this was invaluable in allowing me to reset my goals and expectations and life in general.
2012: Meatless Happy/Sad
Looking back on this year makes me think of two things - no meat, and emotional contradictions.
Assuming I make it 12 more days I will have had a meatless year. Honestly, I've enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Without intending to do so, I've become way more sympathetic to the animals. By removing meat from my diet, I now see meat as animals... whereas before I simply saw it as food. That being said, I do plan to return to the carnivorous lifestyle and we'll see where I decide to go from there.
Emotions... sheesh. Am I right?
The insatiable desire for the good ones; the persistent reality of the bad ones.
This year, more than others, I have been filled to the brim with joy and felt emptied by sadness.
Explanation of the sadness:
- Even when life is going great, when it doesn't match up to your expected and/or desired reality... it can leave you feeling disappointed.
- Having a pointless job with waaaay too much free time and waaaay too little challenge can leave you feeling insignificant, bored, useless, and stuck. The mind and time can be your own worst enemy on this one... when it wanders it often wanders in the unhappy direction. I've realized that sometimes the distractions in life are really helpful.
- No matter how many loving people bless your life, it can be a lonely world sometimes. And I don't handle the lonely feeling very well. I identify strongly with being independent, but I also thrive off human interaction in a powerful way.
- Honestly, sometimes I couldn't even explain my emotions and for the first time in a long time felt controlled by them. Although it may be weak and/or seen as taboo to talk about our emotions in this way, I'll go for honesty and openness and admit that it happens and it happened and will probably happen again. Not all the time, and not in a significant way... but I feel its worth mentioning.
Sharing of the many joys!
- OUPS reunions! I have felt so lucky to have seem my amazing friends from college so much this year - in small groups and large ones. These people are my family and I could not love them more. Being surrounded by them fills my heart with joy!
- Friends! I have rekindled old friendships, developed new ones, etc. Wonderful friendships continue to be one of the best blessings in my life.
- Weddings! By the end of this year, I'll have been to 3 awesome weddings of 3 spectacular couples. I have honestly felt so happy for these dear friends. Weddings are such a fantastic celebration - both in the actual party, and more importantly in the significance of the event. To watch your friends feel so complete in that aspect of their lives to make a vow of forever is such an unbelievable thing. To share in the happiness of that moment for them is truly a joyful blessing.
- Trips! Lots of traveling this year - from little hops down to Texas and to a big hop across the pond!
Houston, Austin, Dallas, Tulsa, Devil's Den (Arkansas), Denver, Memphis, Atlanta, Portland, NYC, Glasgow, Dublin, Cork.
If I were to say how much happiness these trips brought me, I'd be going on for hours - fun fun fun!
- Time. While time was previously noted as my enemy, it is also my friend. I am still very much enjoying having a stress-free job and no schooling to worry about. I can be involved in my community, do fun things, and relax at my leisure. It is a luxury I won't have for too much longer.
- Home. Being in Norman has still brought me a tremendous sense of relaxed happy belonging. It is familiar, yet evolving. It has people and places I love dearly. It is full of simple joys.
All in all, 2012 was honestly just a year of transition. Of not being where I was and not going where I'll be. And celebrating awesome events and making great memories in the meantime. And as with all things in life, there was the good and the bad. Overall - good year... but looking forward to the next one.
My only resolution is to floss more... my dentist would be so proud.
But my vision for my life in 2013 is one of change and forward motion.
I'm not sure what will happen in 2013... I have no idea what my life will be like, where I will live, what I will be doing, or who I will know... and I'm excited for all the possibilities that exist in those uncertainties.