Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
disclaimer: i want to emphasize that I am very happy... just very 'reflective' at the moment
I feel like I have two main passions in my life: music and people.
The capabilities of music to effect any given situation astounds me. I run harder and longer when a good beat is running with me. I feel more emotion when the music draws it from me. I watch with greater understanding when music, subtle as it may be, adds to the background. I dance with greater joy when movement is inspired by rhythm. I understand people unknown to me when their lyrics sing for them. I feel at home when I am playing. I feel incredibly connected when I am playing with others. Music is where I succeed. Music is where I am passionate.
It goes almost without saying that people define any situation you find yourself in. Given the wrong situation with right people, it still turns out to be pretty positive most times; given the perfect situation in solitude, or with ‘the wrong people’, the joy of that situation is ruined. I have been incredibly blessed to have amazing people in my life who I would gladly die for. Through and with those people I have experienced trust – respect – pure joy – and love.
I feel like for several years I put music as my #1 priority (and ‘people’ was a very close 2nd). I was happy… but I felt defined by my passion. I felt out of balance, and I couldn’t gain that balance while maintaining the level of dedication to music that I wanted to have. It was a battle, and I forfeited.
Then people became my #1 priority. I enjoyed my friendships like I never had before my whole life. I felt balanced. I fell in love. I was genuinely happy (this is not to say that I wasn’t happy before… it just wasn’t as genuine). I felt like I was released. However, during this time I didn’t feel the drive and success as I had in other times in my life.
Now what? I’m not even sure what I would say my #1 priority is… because it seems to come without passion. My passions in life remain the same yet in terms of my priorities, people seem to be a distant 2nd and music an even more distant 3rd. I’m still very happy… just not as genuinely so.
Tonight, I miss my passionate life. I am very happy and I am loving the life that I am experiencing… but part of it seems to be missing. Part of me seems to be missing.
Am I off balance? Am I just becoming an “adult”? Am I in the right place? (NY – yes. Teaching?...) Will I ever find another OUPS? Will I feel like I did with him, again? Isn’t a passionate life supposed to be a happy one? And a successful one?
Where can I find my trifecta: passionate, happy, and successful?
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My sponsors for "TFA Sponsor a Teacher" invited me and other teacher to sit at their table for the annual benefit dinner. It was really valuable to get the big picture - to once again feel a part of a larger movement. I am not just a single teacher working hard every day - I am part of a national effort for change and equality of opportunity.