take a step back, breathe and smile

In college, when I decided to change my major, I felt like I had a mid-life crisis. This week felt eerily similar.

Last week, I had no idea what my future would really be... I had no details, no substantial plan, no specifics - I just knew that I was excited and it was going to work out - it was going to be great. For a variety of reasons, I lost all of that carefree, hopeful positivity this past week.

Then came the freak out. I was thinking about what I want in my near future: a steady job/career, a home/house, a family (husband, kids, dog - the whole shebang), and a close network of friends.

Freak out:

Steady job/Career - I'm quitting my job. I feel under-qualified for an adequate job in the field that I want. I feel utterly lost in attempting to job search. I will probably go to grad school, but can't next year so I'm in this odd temporary situation.

A home/house - You need money for this... and did I mention I'm quitting my job? and potentially/probably going to grad school? Now I'm not saying that I want to own a home right now - renting is very appropriate for me at this point in life - but the prospect of being 27 and in debt... doesn't help the prospect of owning a home.

A family - I've had one legitimate relationship. Ever. I feel very far away from this. Although I could get a dog in the near future, I suppose. Honestly, though - I'm fine with putting this off as long as I have a close network of friends.

A close network of friends - Just as I'm really developing that here, I'm leaving it. I also fear that I will never have a group of friends like I did in college. I just don't want to be lonely.

and take a deep breath in... and out.

I feel a lot better about all this now that I'm home. It's more like a "one step at a time" sort of thing. I guess that frequently follows a break down of sorts. Its like opening a new puzzle (I love puzzles) and at first, it looks daunting. But then you start with the edges, and it becomes doable. Does that make sense?

It also helps to focus on the present and the past - there has been and continues to be a lot of great things in life. I have no legitimate reason to doubt that my future will pan out in similar fashion.

In such uncertainty, it's nice to be able to say I know it'll work out and I'll continue to be happy.

The plan:

- enjoy life :)

- figure out the future... one step at a time

"Sometimes the best things come out of nowhere" - Megan