take a step back, breathe and smile

In college, when I decided to change my major, I felt like I had a mid-life crisis. This week felt eerily similar.

Last week, I had no idea what my future would really be... I had no details, no substantial plan, no specifics - I just knew that I was excited and it was going to work out - it was going to be great. For a variety of reasons, I lost all of that carefree, hopeful positivity this past week.

Then came the freak out. I was thinking about what I want in my near future: a steady job/career, a home/house, a family (husband, kids, dog - the whole shebang), and a close network of friends.

Freak out:

Steady job/Career - I'm quitting my job. I feel under-qualified for an adequate job in the field that I want. I feel utterly lost in attempting to job search. I will probably go to grad school, but can't next year so I'm in this odd temporary situation.

A home/house - You need money for this... and did I mention I'm quitting my job? and potentially/probably going to grad school? Now I'm not saying that I want to own a home right now - renting is very appropriate for me at this point in life - but the prospect of being 27 and in debt... doesn't help the prospect of owning a home.

A family - I've had one legitimate relationship. Ever. I feel very far away from this. Although I could get a dog in the near future, I suppose. Honestly, though - I'm fine with putting this off as long as I have a close network of friends.

A close network of friends - Just as I'm really developing that here, I'm leaving it. I also fear that I will never have a group of friends like I did in college. I just don't want to be lonely.

and take a deep breath in... and out.

I feel a lot better about all this now that I'm home. It's more like a "one step at a time" sort of thing. I guess that frequently follows a break down of sorts. Its like opening a new puzzle (I love puzzles) and at first, it looks daunting. But then you start with the edges, and it becomes doable. Does that make sense?

It also helps to focus on the present and the past - there has been and continues to be a lot of great things in life. I have no legitimate reason to doubt that my future will pan out in similar fashion.

In such uncertainty, it's nice to be able to say I know it'll work out and I'll continue to be happy.

The plan:

- enjoy life :)

- figure out the future... one step at a time

"Sometimes the best things come out of nowhere" - Megan

favorites...

I already told you I'm becoming like Kirsten. I just found my favorite coffee shop in Brooklyn, thanks to my friend Emily. We met up to work on some grad work together, and lo and behold...

The Tea Lounge

It has it all:

- Tons of couches and chill seating

- Great food/drinks/etc - coffee/tea/wine/snack/meal - they've got it all!

- Lots of plugs for your computers

- Music (live and otherwise)

- Overall fun, chill feel

I love it - perfect for work, meet ups, or reading!

This is also very representative of how I'm currently feeling about my time in NYC. My first year could be easily summed up in one word: transition. I was transitioning into adult-hood, into the north-east, into teaching, into a new life, etc. I felt like the whole year I was dangling just above the ground just begging my feet to land solidly. Then, the beginning of the second year was full of so much unhappiness at work that it bled into my life in general. It was like my feet had finally landed, but they accidentally stepped on a nail. And now - finally - I feel like I am truly starting my life in NYC - truly feeling at home - truly feeling comfortable. And yet, in 19 weeks or less I'm 95% sure I'll be leaving. Part of me feels like I'm cutting it short. Part of me feels happy to have found this feeling and to enjoy it for the next few weeks. Part of me is glad to be leaving before I really establish this life and become attached... because then it only gets harder to leave. All that considered, at least I know I'll have a great time going out strong.

new minor obsession.

I bought this book Thursday and I can't put it down! I'm borderline obsessed.

My friend Brittany is also reading it and I love being able to talk about it to her! (She's actually who recommended it to me.) We're going on a movie date when it comes out. And the movie looks just as fantastic as the book.

Eeek I love good books.

4 days till spring break in Portland!!

Side note: Can I have the beautiful spring sun and warmth without the icky spring storms?

13.1

This weekend I ran my half marathon!

Goal time: 2 hours, 30 minutes

Actual time 2 hours, 2 minutes

This might sound like an odd thing to say, but I'm really proud of myself. I made a plan for training and I stuck to it really well! I even ran on vacations in Oklahoma, New Orleans, and Florida! When I started training, running 3 miles was admittedly really difficult for me - now, its like a warm up. I am honestly surprised at how much stronger I feel.

I shaved a lot of time off my normal pacing - I had done all my runs by myself, and it was really motivating to be running with thousands of other women and with all the people cheering us on!

Here are some pictures!

My mom and dad came in town for the weekend!

Me running - this is around mile 11ish where I start to feel tired. haha

Some friends who came out to cheer me on!

Heather even ran the last mile with me - it meant so much!

It was so heartwarming to see my friends and family support me like that! Just another reminder of how blessed I am with such wonderful people in my life.

Future goals:

So far in 2011, I have run 200 miles! So now, going forward, I want to run 500 miles in 2011.

I also feel like this is a first step (of many) towards doing a triathalon - a goal that I've had for a while and hope to do in the next few years.