relax?

I have been loving life - I know this is the title of my blog, but lately it has been genuinely true. Recently, I have ended most days just smiling at how wonderful people and things and food and everything is! I feel a little like Kirsten because everything is becoming my favorite! haha I've recently taken some awesome trips (which I need to blog about) and have also really and truly been enjoying my time at home too. Life is good. :)

I have also been working very hard. I have also been very strict with my training schedule for my half marathon (11 days away!).

All that combined resulted in a bit of a physical and emotional breakdown this week. I had been overcoming getting sick for a while and pushing through so I could maintain doing all the fun and necessary things in life. I tried to do it all... and for a long time I did!

And then this week:

Sunday night 9 mile run - body goes crazy - sick all night, did not go to sleep until 6am.

Monday - went to work at 9am (2 hours late), worked all day, physically upset, went to benefit dinner at the Met (Amazing) until late that night.

Tuesday - physically feel better, but mentally super stressed. Have to do so much. Want to do so much. Can only focus on one thing at a time. Training. Dinner with friends.

Wednesday - Woke up feeling overwhelmed physically and mentally. Decided to stay home. In my head, I knew I could push through, but something was telling me to listen to my body and take a day to relax. I slept for 14 hours. Clearly, my body was telling me something.

It feels good to let go and recognize I need a break from going-going-going. It feels good to allow myself that. I feel like I have learned that if I continue to push through all the time, I won't be as effective at my work and I won't enjoy the fun things as much. Now I'm ready to get back to hard work and really enjoy the next two weekends:

This weekend: FLORIDA!!! Callie, Tracy, and Brad. So EXCITED!

Next weekend: 1/2 Marathon! I've worked towards this for a long time, my parents are coming in town, etc. I'm excited!

the decision

My last blog was vague, but now that it is official I'm going to blog about the big decision. Most people who read this already know, but for the others out there, and for my own thought process in written form, this is the decision:

I am not going to teach next year.

I am moving from New York to Portland (either immediately or with a couple months detour in Dallas).

In 2012, I'll be going to grad school for a masters in public administration but in between now and then I will be enjoying the glory of a very purposeful gap year!

I have a million different emotions about this whole decision and life in general, but I feel confident that I am moving my life in the right direction. I have never been so uncertain about something but felt so good about it. I just know, in my heart, that its right.

I have so much more that I am feeling and thinking... but its not all quite ready for words yet. Stay tuned.

I'm happy about the past, the now, and the future.

Life is good.

March.

I told myself I would make a decision by March. As March was approaching, I felt like I was approaching my decision, but still had no real idea. I didn't think I was ready. And then, to my surprise, everything became clear to me today.

I made a decision today.

The decision was made in a calm reflection.

It's a big decision.

It's also a decision that leads to other questions... but good ones I think.

After having made the decision I felt an overwhelming amount of relief. That alone tells me that I am making the right choice and I will be happier for it.

I'm not blogging about the decision quite yet, but inquire personally and I will divulge.