2012

Time present and time past

Are both perhaps present in time future,

And time future contained in time past.

- T.S. Eliot

As the year comes to an end and a new one begins, reflections come to mind. 

2011: Home & Reset

In moving back to Oklahoma, I came home both literally and figuratively.  I feel like this was invaluable in allowing me to reset my goals and expectations and life in general. 

2012: Meatless Happy/Sad

Looking back on this year makes me think of two things - no meat, and emotional contradictions. 

Assuming I make it 12 more days I will have had a meatless year.  Honestly, I've enjoyed it more than I thought I would.  Without intending to do so, I've become way more sympathetic to the animals.  By removing meat from my diet, I now see meat as animals... whereas before I simply saw it as food.  That being said, I do plan to return to the carnivorous lifestyle and we'll see where I decide to go from there.  

Emotions... sheesh.  Am I right?   

The insatiable desire for the good ones; the persistent reality of the bad ones.

This year, more than others, I have been filled to the brim with joy and felt emptied by sadness. 

Explanation of the sadness:

- Even when life is going great, when it doesn't match up to your expected and/or desired reality... it can leave you feeling disappointed. 

- Having a pointless job with waaaay too much free time and waaaay too little challenge can leave you feeling insignificant, bored, useless, and stuck. The mind and time can be your own worst enemy on this one... when it wanders it often wanders in the unhappy direction.  I've realized that sometimes the distractions in life are really helpful. 

- No matter how many loving people bless your life, it can be a lonely world sometimes.  And I don't handle the lonely feeling very well.  I identify strongly with being independent, but I also thrive off human interaction in a powerful way.

- Honestly, sometimes I couldn't even explain my emotions and for the first time in a long time felt controlled by them.  Although it may be weak and/or seen as taboo to talk about our emotions in this way, I'll go for honesty and openness and admit that it happens and it happened and will probably happen again.  Not all the time, and not in a significant way... but I feel its worth mentioning. 

Sharing of the many joys!

- OUPS reunions!  I have felt so lucky to have seem my amazing friends from college so much this year - in small groups and large ones.  These people are my family and I could not love them more.  Being surrounded by them fills my heart with joy!

- Friends!  I have rekindled old friendships, developed new ones, etc.  Wonderful friendships continue to be one of the best blessings in my life. 

- Weddings!  By the end of this year, I'll have been to 3 awesome weddings of 3 spectacular couples.  I have honestly felt so happy for these dear friends.  Weddings are such a fantastic celebration - both in the actual party, and more importantly in the significance of the event.  To watch your friends feel so complete in that aspect of their lives to make a vow of forever is such an unbelievable thing.  To share in the happiness of that moment for them is truly a joyful blessing. 

- Trips! Lots of traveling this year - from little hops down to Texas and to a big hop across the pond!

Houston, Austin, Dallas, Tulsa, Devil's Den (Arkansas), Denver, Memphis, Atlanta, Portland, NYC, Glasgow, Dublin, Cork.  

If I were to say how much happiness these trips brought me, I'd be going on for hours - fun fun fun!

- Time. While time was previously noted as my enemy, it is also my friend. I am still very much enjoying having a stress-free job and no schooling to worry about.  I can be involved in my community, do fun things, and relax at my leisure.  It is a luxury I won't have for too much longer.

- Home.  Being in Norman has still brought me a tremendous sense of relaxed happy belonging.  It is familiar, yet evolving.  It has people and places I love dearly.  It is full of simple joys.

All in all, 2012 was honestly just a year of transition.  Of not being where I was and not going where I'll be.  And celebrating awesome events and making great memories in the meantime.  And as with all things in life, there was the good and the bad.   Overall - good year... but looking forward to the next one.

2013...

My only resolution is to floss more... my dentist would be so proud.  

But my vision for my life in 2013 is one of change and forward motion.

I'm not sure what will happen in 2013... I have no idea what my life will be like, where I will live, what I will be doing, or who I will know... and I'm excited for all the possibilities that exist in those uncertainties. 

Okla-home

Downtown Norman may be laughable to others, but it has such a quaint sense of home for me.  To calmly stroll the streets, passing by favorite local shops and restaurants to explore the new ones popping up in the ever-changing and growing culture of the town.  Running into friends along the way, providing an even greater sense of belonging.

Home is a feeling, and I think that in this past year, combined with the four from college, Norman has truly become a home for me.  Not my home forever, but a very distinct home in this very distinct time of life.  It is a place for reunion, and a place for memories.  It provides both a sense of security and a sense of development.  

Life lead me back here to find a home here.

OU Football

One of my favorite parts about being back in Norman is getting to go to all the football festivities!  College football is not nearly as important to me as it was as a student, but it still holds a very special (and wonderfully fun) place in my heart!  What can I say - I love my Sooners!

A special thanks to Brad who has taken me to so many games over the past two years!

I have LOVED them all! :D  You have made football season so much fun!

Saturday was the last home game I'll go to for quite some time... a bitter sweet realization.

We played Oklahoma State - a huge, but friendly rivalry.  I was glad it was a close game - exciting down till the last second... when we won in overtime!! Here are some fun pictures that capture some of my favorite parts of Sooner Football:

Sooner pride and pregame:

 So many great memories and amazing friendships from my time with the Pride!

 The pregame videos... aaaah they get me so excited for the game!

 Brad did a good job heckling the OSU fans behind us. 

 And most of all, I will miss the festive time spent with friends!

 

There is a certain feeling that I get from being in this beautiful stadium with 84,000 other people all cheering for a common purpose... and that is why I love college football.

Another major highlight of the weekend had to be included - seeing these two lovelies!!!

Boomer Sooner

Devil's Den

This weekend, Sally and I went on an adventure to Devil's Den State Park in Arkansas.   

The drive to the park was really nice in itself.  I love winding roads over rolling hills... especially in fall!

 I was really hoping to catch some of the fall colors the Ozarks are known for.  I missed the peak season by 1-2 weeks, but I still enjoyed the ground being carpeted with all the shades of brown and orange, with the occasional red and purple.  The weather was beautiful - sunny, mid-60s, with a crispness to the air.  

Devil's Den had a very friendly and helpful staff, and the trails were very well maintained.  Additionally, there were park facilities closed for the off-season, and I think it would be a wonderful place for families to enjoy.  

Hike #1: Devil's Den Trail

1.5 miles

One of the parks most popular hikes, this trail winds around a lot of very cool rock formations and caves.  Honestly, I think caves are very cool and fascinating .. and creepy.  I don't have pictures form my favorite sights on the trail, but here are some that'll give an idea of what it was like.

Hike #2: Fossil Flats

5 miles... +1.5 miles in correction

This trail is primarily a moderate mountain biking trail and I highly recommend it as such (particularly the Sawmill Loop section).  This hike was a pretty typical trail in the woods. 

Hike #3: Yellow Rock Trail

3 miles

Another one of the park's most popular trails.  The most desirable part of this hike is the lookout/photo op.  There is a rock that sort of jets out over a valley and its a very pretty scene.  Tons of couples were up there picnicking - adorable.... almost as adorable as me and Sally! haha

Sally was a wonderful hiking buddy!  It is so nice to see her happily explore the trails - I love watching her have so much fun.  And she is very well behaved, which is impressive if you know Sally. haha She nearly got bitten by a snake so that was a little traumatizing for her.  She was super tired and didn't really want to go on the last hike, but I was really happy with her for keeping up! Here is Sally, taking a break. (hehe)

Lessons learned:

1. Clip toenails before a full day of hiking... ouch!

2. Consult the map.

3. Trust your instincts, trust the trail. 

4. Arkansas is for lovers... there were couples all over the place!

Then we drove home, chasing the sunset arriving just in time for the OU game, drinks, and pizza with a friend. 

Good weekend. :)

stuck

I'm stuck.

Write... delete... write... scratch out... write more. 

Start over. 

Sit... think... stare at the page.

Do something else.

It doesn't even feel like writer's block... it just feels like an overall block.

I want to go to grad school, so I have to apply, so I have to write this statement of purpose... but I can't seem to do it.  It's not just the statement - I'm dragging in every part of the process.  I'm not sure why... is it a fear of rejection?  A fear of actually going through with this new plan for my life?  

Its odd that I want this, and I know I want this.... but can't seem to go through the steps that will get me there.  

And I can't figure out why.

But deadlines trump my worries. So I'll write something and I'll submit it... I just want to feel differently about it... or at least figure out why I feel the way I do.